I have been thinking and thinking what should I post today or for me whilst writing this tomorrow.. I had planned something fun but I didn’t had the time to make the photographs I needed. So I’m going to post that one on Friday! But I’m just not feeling it to write a “happy” blogpost because I’m just not always happy. I started to blog because I wanted to create a positive and happy community on the internet but even the girl that always smiles on the pictures isn’t always happy.

I’m really struggling now, whilst writing this because I don’t like to talk about these personal things but this is also a part of my life and I just want to be real. Lately I have been missing my grandma. Let’s start with explaining that. My grandma pasted away in November 2016, so that’s is know 1,5 year ago. After all that happened I went on vacation to Mexico because I already had booked it. I was and I’m still happy that I went because it was the greatest distraction and I had the time of my life. So my life flew by and they were times when I missed her. I looked at some pictures and a little note that she wrote for me. I always keep that. But know I’m just really understanding that she’s really gone and not on a really long vacation. Because sometimes I think she will just walk in to this room but she doesn’t and that hurts.. I always have been her “hartendief” translated in English is it her sweetheart. That’s also what she wrote on her farewell later to me. I always had a strong connection with her, she just felt like my second mom. I always looked up to her, she was and is my biggest inspiration. She was such a strong woman and just the sweetest to everyone. I miss her caring words and her sweets that she always had on the table. Just the little things that I did with her but I’m happy I have all those great memories and I will never forget them.

Yesterday I went live on Instagram because the socialgoodgirl pushed me with her Instagram challenge but first I was not feeling it at all. But I did because I wanted to make my grandmother proud and be just as strong as she was. So I did it and I’m sooooo proud of myself and I had so much sweet messages. I will definitely do it more now but I still found it very scary. But one day I hopefully can do it without the fear and maybe even make videos on YouTube, because that’s still a big dream of me! What I just wanted to say with this blogpost that it’s okay not to be okay. BUT get up, dress up and do the things that make YOU HAPPY! Don’t think about what people would think about you. Live the life you want and go for it and be your unique self and be proud of that.

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